Mehhhh.

What is wrong with my life at the moment?
EVERYTHING!

I have one 'friend' who i dont particularly want to be friends with anymore, that sounds really nasty but she is horrible! (Im just going to have a proper full on rant now) she thinks she owns me, im not even joking, she can pretty much get me to do anything she want me too and she is just constantly putting me down, she will give you this look like your completely worthless, today i almost lost it with her. I dont get like that easily but it has been building for ages now and i just kinda snapped. She didnt talk to me for a while after but then about an hour later she was acting like nothing had happened, just shows how she doesnt take anything I say seriously! :@

Then now I really dont know what im doing, im scared i am about to lose the most important person in my life due to my old best friend! I know this person really doesnt like me talking to my old best friend even though he is all like 'oh yeah i dont mind' he only says he doesnt mind when i say i wanted to talk to him. I am never happy anymore and no one can make me happy :/ its very rare that im happy and to be honest im usually happiest when i have my phone no where near me, im tempted to throw it away, its just too much heartache.
The guy i love is scared im going to leave him for my old best friend, which i am not! My old best friend is all like 'oh yeah we would be great together' 'i love you' Im just getting even more confused by the whole thing, i dont love my old best friend and i never will. I think he is like this because of how close we used to be when we were little kids, we were inseperable and if i hadnt moved away i can imagine that we would actaully be together but i dont want him now! I have found someone way better, way more special, a decent guy who i am not going to give up without a fight!
I started talking to my old best friend again right after his fiance cheated on him and left him and i was apparently the only one who was nice to him, i kinda wissh i wasnt as nice because i now feel trapped and like i cant get away from him. i dont want to be horrible and just tell him to go away like everyone is telling me too but im scared he is going to ruin my relationship. I know i cant let this happen and i wont. i will not let him but i cant jusst abandon him, no one knows how much i have wanted him back since i moved away and now is my chance for my friend back, i cant just throw it away, it feels like i either get my boyfriend or my friend and i know my boyfriend will ALWAYS come first but i cant be horrible to my friend :(

Why is life never easy??! I can imagine it only gets harder! x

My future.

Ive been thinking about this a lot recently, what I want to do and where I want to go and who I want to be with so I have decided to write up a list of all the things I want to do/achieve in my life and hopefully I will be able to come back here in 50 years time and find out if I did it all :)

1. Visit Australia
2. Buy a house in Wales
3. Learn to play the guitar
4. Learn to play the piano
5. Go in a hot air balloon despite my fear of heights
6. Get really really good at photography and buy a decent camera
7. Learn more about space and the stars, it really fascinates me
8. Get a decent job, something I enjoy and that I look forward to going and doing
9. Swim with a dolphin
10. VISIT DISNEYLAND FLORIDA!!!!
11. Learn too juggle (with three balls!)
12. I would love too scuba dive but im not sure about this one because of my drowning and water fear
13. Visit Paris and the Eiffel Tower
14. Visit Vennice
15. ....... I cant think of anymore at the moment but when I do, they will be on here!

S CLUB7.

Hold on to what you try to be
Your individuality
When the world is on your shoulders
Just smile and let it go
If people try to put you down
Just walk on by dont turn around
You only have to answer to yourself

Don't you know its true what they say
That life, it ain't easy
But your time's coming around
So don't you stop tryin'

Don't stop, never give up
Hold your head high and reach the top
Let the world see what you have got
Bring it all back to you
Dream of falling in love
Anything you've been thinking of
When the world seems to get too tough
Bring it all back too you!


Very wise words from good old S Club there, it seems that they are speaking to me right now because this is exactly I need too do :)